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In a recent podcast, Jen Fulwiler (author, comedian and mother of six) expressed the things that got me walking on the track.
“God, I love being a mom,” she said with an unconscious joy that you don’t hear often enough in our culture. She continued: “I have been a lonely person all my life. I finally have my friends. I finally have a community I have never had before. They are my friends and my team, which is great.”
That line – part of the squad – hit me like a wave. Because I know exactly what she means.
Zhan has always been my inspiration. I am Pregnant to my first When she finished sixth, she had taken a path in many ways that I had just begun to think about. She makes it look possible and, more importantly, she looks interesting. She didn’t show that she was the kind of mother who often dreamed of a big family, who grew up as nanny or crocheted small bootys. She is practical, fun and honest, and very happy. It is this joy that has always bothered me.
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I did not come to maternity and childbirth and expect to recover. Actually, I’m on the verge of what it might stir up. My own childhood was not completely full of stability or warmth. My mother raised me alone and was sick most of her life. She died at the age of sixteen after a prolonged battle with autoimmune diseases. I died of suicide when I was nineteen. Just like that, my parents were gone. Without siblings, I was essentially a person (although I had incredible cousins who were stuck in loopholes).
When you lose such a young family of origin, you learn to build your own scaffolding. I had to figure out how to survive, how to make decisions, how to be an adult without a safety net in the world. This loss of loneliness is not only in the waves, but also indulges in your life. For a long time, I didn’t expect this to change.
Then I have children.
It didn’t happen once, but things inside me started to shift. There was once a hole where new things were growing. warmth. Rhythm. Home.
Saying “I like to be a mom” in 2025 is almost subversive. We live in an era when we are often maternal or painful.
I don’t put a burden on the children to heal. That’s not their job. But the truth is, they have cured me. Just become their identity. Just make me love them. Just let me try.
I thought of Zhan’s words: “I finally have my friends, my community, my squad”, and I smiled because I have that one now.
It’s not that I’m still not parents. I guide. I set the boundary. I said “no” (a lot). I don’t want to be a “cool mom” and I don’t want to be my kid’s best friend in a way that sometimes laughs at sitcoms. But I’m raising someone I really like. I want to be around. Most days, this feeling is mutual.
Let’s laugh together. We took a walk. We share in jokes, read books aloud, and play music in the car. My house is full of life, vitality and connection. I used to be afraid to go home to an empty apartment. Now, I sometimes linger in the car and walk into a loud house just to absorb the peace, but I’m never afraid of what’s inside. Because there is love inside.
Our culture talks a lot about fatigue Maternity yes. Yes. Sometimes the dishes don’t end, the complaining never stops, and all you feel is the referee’s argument and sweeping over the Cheerios. But that’s just part of the story. The other part, the part that hardly goes into social media often is that it’s very interesting. How to give life. How to cure.
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Saying “I like to be a mom” in 2025 is almost subversive. We live in an era when we are often maternal or painful. You should talk about how touched you are, how much wine you need to survive your bedtime routine, and how suffocating the mental load is. Yes, all of this is true. But that’s not the whole truth.
This is the truth: I like being with the kids. I look forward to them coming home from the camp. I count down until the end of summer – not because I hate their camps, but because I miss them. In the fall, they came home with me and went homeschooling.
I really like them. I like the people around me.
Motherhood gives me more than just a new identity. It gave me the kind of family I never had in a long time. One I don’t know I want or need. This gives me the opportunity to build something that did not exist in the past: a stable house of love, security is a kind of, not hope. Provides a loving, stable home that I have never had before
Strangely, how often do we do. How often do we whisper about the joy of parenting, like secrets we should not admit in polite companies. But I think it’s time for us to start speaking out loud. It’s not about applying hard stuff, but about remembering good stuff. Let women know that maternity and childbirth are not only a series of sacrifices, but also a source of strength. It can even be… fun.
Jen Fulwiler’s words reminded me that I was not alone. There may be unexpected redemption for those who come to their mother with some bruises and battle scars. Maybe just like Zhan, we are lonely. Maybe we find in the children, not only the next chapter, but our people.
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My squad.
And they not only healed the old wounds, but also helped me write a new story. One starts not with loss but with laughter.
This column was originally published on Substitution Mom War: The Contemplation of Parenting, Marriage, and Relationships by Bethany Mandel and Kara Kennedy.
Click here to read more from Bethany Mandel
