Even The happiest couple Encounter conflict. But what they do reveals what is missing in the relationship.
As Psychologists studying couplesI found that some similar topics appear again and again. The first step in resolving conflicts is to know what these topics are.
according to YouGov A poll of 1,000 American adults, and according to my research, this is the most common cause of couples’ struggles and the psychology behind everyone.
1. Tone or attitude
Sour taste or slightly raised attitude sounds, sarcastic comments, inverted around the middle eye – by far the most common cause of couples’ struggles. It doesn’t seem like a big deal to the person who shows it. However, for the mate on the receiving end, it hits the direct nerve because it expresses contempt.
In marriage Researchcontempt is one of the most reliable predictors of divorce. Unlike public criticism or stone walls (emotionally closed), disguising yourself with nonverbal gestures and body language.
How to surpass it: Resist the impulse. Fighting with fire never works, so try naming the effect: “That feels condescending. Can we try again?” This gives your partner the chance to do the course correction and will not upgrade immediately.
If you are the one who conveys the tone, please contact yourself and then say it again. Do you feel unheard of? Frustrated? At a loss? Pointing out what is contempt is the first step to expressing oneself without hurting a relationship.
2. Family Relationship
Disputes about family relationships often reflect fundamental misalignment and unmet needs.
A partner may feel unsupported or unoccupied, especially if their spouse seems to default on defending his family. In cases involving children, the argument often boils down to valuable conflicts – each partner feels that their core parenting beliefs are eliminated.
In these cases, neither partner is “right” or “wrong”. In fact, it is very likely that they seek the exact same thing: the people standing by their side.
How to surpass it: A good starting point is to ensure each other. For example: “I love my family, but you are still my partner. How do we find solutions that meet our needs and values?”
Then talk about your limitations as a team: what to do when crossing the line, or how to show solidarity in front of others (even if you don’t agree privately).
3. housework
People often think that the argument about trivia is about trivia itself – the dishes left in the sink, the laundry piled up, the garbage that was never taken out. But if that’s true, these problems will be solved quickly with simple trivia charts.
On the contrary, the real problem is uneven labor distribution. according to Researcha partner in a relationship usually carries most of the family work. But they not only fold clothes and cook meals, but they also manage dates, coordinate bills and maintain psychological labels for everyone’s well-being.
This “invisible load” is largely unrecognized, and a lack of recognition is usually where the battle begins.
How to surpass it: This dynamic can usually be changed if the load is named loudly. Even just say, “I didn’t realize how much you were holding, thank you,” to your partner, they always need to hear the recognition.
From there, work together to reassign tasks in a sustainable way. Fair doesn’t look like a 50/50 split a day, but it feels like something you both can participate.
4. Communication method
This is one of the trickiest arguments to navigate. In many cases, when couples argue how They talk to each other and the original question has been lost in the translation.
For example, a partner is frustrated by the unfair distribution of chores, or they are frustrated by how their parents-in-law treat them. However, when these questions are asked, Research It shows that when another person acts ineffective or hostilities with them, they can quickly get out of track.
If the conversation is full of defense, criticism, or stone walls, the battle will shift its focus from the initial problem. Instead, it’s a question of how bad the conversation goes.
How to surpass it: A simple strategy for successful couples to use is “Five-second rule“: They have a specified word or phrase, signal: “We spiral, let’s pause. ” This gives a much-needed pause without the negative impact of rushing in.
When you return to the conversation, try to see the eyes of the eyes and continue to show your dissatisfaction: “I want to understand why you are unhappy, I hope you have the same understanding of me. You share your side and I share mine.”
Mark TraversDr. is a psychologist who specializes in interpersonal relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and Boulder University of Colorado. He is Sober therapya telemedicine company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling and coaching. He is also a curator of popular mental health and wellness websites, therapytips.org.
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