We put these people on a pedestal – usually, one is far above where we let our ex rest, and any lingering resentment and pain. Most importantly, this is primarily a permanence between hatred and worship, with little to no other feeling except our imagination. Everyone knows that social media is not an accurate portrayal of a person, but we find a priori meaning in all of this.
“Breakup not only ends a relationship, but often destroys our sense of identity,” explains psychologist Rina Bajaj. “This is especially true if you have anxiety.” Attachment stylethe loss of connection feels like danger. So, as your ex keeps moving forward, your brain starts scrambling to ask for answers, rest assured or controlled. ”
Comparative coercion is also human nature, especially in this case. “But thanks to the internet, you compare yourself to someone’s highlight reel. This can quickly turn into ‘they’, ‘they’ more successful’, and suddenly you’re not just mourning the relationship, but also questioning your own worth.”
This idea doesn’t always stop with the ex’s new partner, either. Michelle, 32, said: “I used to watch old videos secretly on my boyfriend’s laptop and his ex’s laptop, which is Michelle, 32, with her accent. Is her voice more sexy than mine? Is she smarter than me?“It’s five years ago.” But I can still record all these moments in the video verbatim. I may remember their year abroad was better than them. ”
Finally, it is discovered that Michelle is found out that her boyfriend punishes her for losing her dilemma. “I just sat there like a naughty kid and accepted it,” she recalled. “But I remember secretly thinking: worth.transparent
It is easy to see how this behavior affects women more powerfully. Internal misogyny puts us in trouble with each other, so having an actual “replacer” in your mind to compete with can be the secret of psychological disaster. “Your brain may default to ‘she won, I lost’, as if love is a knockout match for some kind of reality show,” explains Dr. Bajaj. “Internalized misogyny teaches women to see each other as threats rather than allies. It says your value depends on being selected. Even if you unconsciously believe in this pattern, it can appear in sneaky ways, such as comparison, jealousy and even shame.”
