Of course, theoretically, while the idea is challenging, especially when someone is in the depths of a breakup despair. “One of the most difficult parts of ending a relationship is that we are performing a very sensitive task with limited emotional bandwidth,” Burres said. “Conscious decoupling can express all of these feelings, but requires everyone to contribute ownership of the relationship dynamics that lead to the challenge and resist the urge to blame the other person.”
Steps to consciously uncoupling
Confirm the ending
First, both parties must agree that this relationship does not work. If split Not mutual“The partner who chooses to end the relationship must accept it Brave steps Be honest and tell the truth to yourself and their partner,” Burres said, “It’s tempting to avoid the truth, but it’s not possible to lead the partner directly, wasting time and prolong the pain. Conscious uncoupling requires us to accept that this relationship has ended and act in an upright way. ”
Public communication
Comprehensive psychotherapist says Jenny MahlumIt is recommended to use the “I” statement when discussing the relationship, rather than the alleged “you” statement. “Focus on mutual respect and common goals, such as parenting if children are involved or maintain friendships,” Burres added.
Set boundaries
It is necessary to transition from romantic relationships to new dynamics, new boundaries. “This may include limiting certain types of communication or establishing basic rules to enable interactions that move forward,” Burres said.
Reflect, release, redefine
Real recovery involves taking time to commemorate Lessons learned in relationship. “Release resentment or anger through forgiveness,” Mahm advises. And, like any breakup, “make yourself feel and process emotions, rather than suppressing emotions and treat close friends in a kind and understanding way.”
In addition, resist the urge to over-relate relationships with your ex. Remember, even if the ultimate hope is Still a friend. “Successful conscious uncoupling involves the process of redefining the relationship,” Burres notes. “We can think of breakups as failures, but restructure them as transitions and opportunities to acknowledge the relationships that come with your life and explore a healthier, redefined relationship, such as a friendly shared parenting partnership.”
Seek support
Even if you take a separate approach, couple therapy can help, especially if you have shared children or assets. one Trusted therapist Can hold you accountable and help mediate any conflicts that occur. “Think about individual or combination therapy to drive emotional complexity,” Mahlum said.
